The Powerful Truth Every Struggling Mom Needs to Hear

A while back, a post from my friend over at Raising Chaos stopped me in my tracks. She wrote about a scene from the movie Mom’s Night Out. One where an exhausted, overwhelmed mom finally admits out loud that she feels like she’s failing at the one job that matters most to her. I sat there and cried, because I knew that feeling in my bones.

If you’ve ever felt it too … that quiet, secret fear that everyone else has motherhood figured out and you’re the only one barely holding it together … this post is for you. I’ve been you. And I have some things I wish someone had said straight to my face back then.

They Don’t Need Perfect. They Need You.

When I first wrote this, my girls were only three and five, and I was running myself into the ground trying to do it all. The spotless house. Dinner on the table at 5:30 on the dot. Every box checked, every day. I genuinely believed that if I just pushed hard enough and controlled enough, it would all finally fall into place.

I’ll tell you what I know now, on the other side of those little years: it was never the point.

My girls are teenagers now, and when I look back, I can’t remember a single night that dinner ran late. I can’t remember whether the laundry was folded or the floors were clean. What I remember, what they remember, is whether I was present. Whether I laughed. Whether I let them climb into my lap instead of telling them to wait until I finished the dishes. The house was never what they needed. They needed me. Just me.

If I could go back and whisper one thing to that frazzled younger mom, it would be this: loosen your grip. The mess will keep. These small people will not stay small.

You Were Chosen for This

There’s a moment in that movie scene where a gruff, kind stranger looks at this worn-out mom and tells her, in so many words, to quit beating herself up because God didn’t make a mistake when He gave her children the mother they have. He tells her to simply be herself, and to trust that God will handle the rest.

I’ve never forgotten the heart of that message, because I needed it then and I still need it now.

You were not handed your children by accident. There is a reason they are yours. God knew exactly what He was doing, and exactly what you were capable of, when He made you their mom. On the days you feel least qualified, that truth still holds: you are the right mother for your kids. Full stop.

Ask for Help. Let Go of Perfect.

One of the hardest and most freeing things I ever did was stop trying to carry it all myself.

Back when my girls were tiny, I started handing things over. Letting them make their own (imperfect) beds, get themselves dressed in slightly mismatched outfits, “help” with breakfast. Were the beds lumpy? Absolutely. Did it matter? Not even a little. What they were building was capability and confidence, and what I was getting back was a sliver of my sanity.

That principle only grew as they did. Today, as teenagers, they handle real responsibilities around the house and they’re better, more independent humans for it. Letting go of perfection wasn’t lowering my standards. It was raising kids who could stand on their own.

The same goes for the other adult in your home. So many of us, especially in a stay-at-home season, quietly assume every household task is ours alone to carry. It isn’t. Dishes, dinners, bathrooms, the yard … share the load. If you like things done a certain way, show your people how, and then release it. Your peace of mind is worth more than doing it “right.”

And please stop measuring yourself against the other moms. You have no idea what battles they’re fighting behind the highlight reel, and they’re fighting them, I promise you. Those aren’t your kids. You’re not that mother. You’re this one and if you’re loving your children with everything you’ve got, you are doing a beautiful job, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it. (If grace toward yourself is something you struggle with, I wrote more about that in giving yourself grace over perfection, and about why caring for yourself isn’t selfish in this post.)

You Are God’s Masterpiece

There’s an old saying that God turns caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds, all with a little time and pressure. Some days I think this whole motherhood thing is God’s way of doing exactly that with us: shaping us, slowly and under pressure, into something stronger and more beautiful than we started.

Because here’s the truth I want to leave you with, the one Scripture says over you whether you feel it today or not:

For we are God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus. (Ephesians 2:10)

A masterpiece. Not a rough draft. Not a work that finally counts once the house is clean and the kids are perfectly behaved. A masterpiece, right now, exactly as you are … tired, imperfect, doing your best.

So let me be the one to tell you, mama:

You are enough. You are chosen. You are beautiful. You are a masterpiece made by God.

Keep your head up. This is holy, hard work you’re doing and you’re doing better than you know.

If you needed to hear this today, leave a comment and tell me how you’re really doing. You’re not alone here.

NOTE: This post was originally published in June 2017. It has been rewritten in my current voice, with the movie reference paraphrased and the focus brought up to the present day.