I originally posted this letter of forgiveness in February of 2015. However, I don’t feel like I can have a new blog without including this letter. I promised to share my life and thoughts with you all and that includes the “ugly” stuff. So here it is….my letter of forgiveness to my biological father.
I forgive you. Those are words that I should have spoken to my biological father a long time ago.
I was only 18 years old, what some might consider an adult, and I made the decision that I thought would (and did) best suit me. I decided to move back to mom’s house because you weren’t around. I decided to spend the remainder of my senior year as just that, a senior and not as a working adult. Yes, I made an adult decision and as you said, I must deal with the repercussions of my decision. Never in my mind did I think that one of those repercussions would be you leaving my life for good. I had no idea that you needed and wanted so much control over my life that by me opposing YOUR desires I would lose my father.
Over ten years later I am now a mother to two beautiful but stubborn and opinionated little girls that test me daily. What I can say though is that even at their most stubborn moments, I would NEVER walk away from them for “disobeying my order”. They are my children, my BLOOD AND I LOVE THEM!!!! They will make mistakes and do things that I won’t approve of because that is how they grow into their own person. I can provide them guidance and love but I cannot force them to do as I say simply because that is my desire. I did come to a realization though….you simply acted the way that was shown to you as you grew up. You learned to parent from your parents who were the old school “do as I say, not as I do” type. You learned to hold your love and attention hostage when you didn’t agree with what your child was doing. I vow to BREAK THE CYCLE! I won’t allow my kids to feel that. My love is not something I can turn on and off or hold hostage from my kids. It’s unconditional and they DESERVE to feel it each and every day regardless of their actions.
I can’t blame you for that anymore. I forgive you. I was hurt, and I still am, that you could simply walk away. However, I know now that you didn’t know how to break the cycle. You didn’t fully grasp the consequences of YOUR actions. By holding your love hostage and walking away from my life, you have lost out on being a grandfather to my two amazing daughters and to my two amazing nephews. You have lost not just one but TWO daughters. You missed my graduation from high school, my graduation from Army basic training, my homecoming from my deployment, my wedding day…. the list goes on and on. Those are the consequences you now have to live with as you once said to me.
Through it all, I am not mad at you…. at least not anymore. I was for a long time but that anger and hurt does nothing to you but it does hinder me. It causes me to keep a wall up and to keep people at bay that don’t deserve it. They aren’t the ones that hurt me…you are.
Joel Osteen says it best in these passages from his book Your Best Life Now:
“When we hold on to unforgiveness and we live with grudges in our hearts, all we’re doing is building walls of separation.”
“You must tear down the walls. You must forgive the people who hurt you so you can get out of prison. You’ll never be free until you do. Let go of those wrongs they’ve done to you. Get that bitterness out of your life. That’s the only way you’re going to truly be free. You will be amazed at what can happen in your life when you release all that poison.”
“Forgiveness is a choice, but it is not an option. Jesus put it this way: ‘If you don’t forgive other people, then your Father in heaven is not going to forgive you’.”
I can’t and won’t hold on to that anymore. So let me say it again…
I FORGIVE YOU. With all my heart, I forgive you. I wish you all the best that God has to give and I pray many blessings over you and your family.
[…] a daughter, experiences something like that it effects her deeply. Don’t get me wrong, I have forgiven him for his choice. I know that I am not in control of his actions. But that action of his has […]
[…] and by this point I was no longer speaking to my biological father (you can read about that here). But I knew in my heart that I had found what I wanted in my husband and future father of my […]