Some of the deepest gratitude I’ve ever felt didn’t come from a good year. It came from looking back over a hard one and realizing I had survived it and that God had been present in it the whole time, even when I couldn’t see Him.
That’s what reflection does. It’s one of the most powerful gratitude practices I know, and it’s one I come back to again and again. Not the kind of reflection that glosses over the pain, but the kind that looks honestly at the hard and the good side by side, and finds the blessings woven through both. I want to share my own story here, because I think it shows why I trust this practice so much.
Where I Come From
Like a lot of people, I had a rough childhood. I was loved — the best way my family knew how. They did the best they could with what they had. But our circumstances were often hard.
I still remember, vividly, watching another family load my horse into their trailer and drive away with her. I was eight years old. Another little girl got my horse for Christmas that year, and the money from selling her went to bills and a very small Christmas for my family. To eight-year-old me, it felt like the end of the world. That was also the year my biological father and my mom divorced. My family split apart, and my horse was gone. I didn’t know it then, but that was only the beginning of some very difficult years.
I know what it is to truly struggle. We needed government assistance just to have food on the table … and for that food to be egg and cheese burritos, night after night. We fought to keep a roof over our heads, and there were times, like my fifteenth birthday, when we were homeless. My mother worked multiple jobs and wasn’t always the wisest when it came to financial decisions so times were lean and we struggled year after year.
Some people would use a childhood like that as an excuse. I’ve chosen to let it drive me instead.
What I See When I Look Back
When I reflect on those hard early years, gratitude rises up almost involuntarily because I can see how far God has carried me.
I’m grateful my own children haven’t had to know that kind of hardship. I’m grateful for the Christmases they’ve woken up to, surrounded by gifts and, more importantly, by people who love them. And I’m most grateful that they’ve grown up appreciative of what they have. We made sure they understood that there are kids who go without, and they took it to heart. They never argued when I asked them to fill a box with gently used toys to give to children who needed them. Watching that compassion take root in them … that’s the kind of win that matters most to me.
Reflection isn’t all warmth, though. Some of what I look back on still aches. One of the hardest years of my life was the year we lost my dad. He was technically my step-dad, but to me he was simply Dad. A heart attack took him far too young, and it shook our whole family, including my children. As much as it hurt to lose him, I will always be grateful that my kids got to know him and love him. He had a way of teaching me life lessons when he was here and somehow he’s kept right on teaching me even after he got his angel wings.
I’m also deeply grateful for the healing I’ve experienced. I’m not “cured” of my PTSD and anxiety — that’s not how healing works — but I’ve come so much further than I once thought possible, and I don’t have words for what that means to my family and me. A huge part of that healing has been learning to prioritize self-care, something I’m only able to do because of the steady, hardworking, loving husband God blessed me with. We wouldn’t have the life we have without him.
Your Turn: A Simple Reflection Practice
I could go on for days listing what I’m grateful for. Instead, I want to leave you with a little homework … a practice you can return to anytime you need to find your footing. The end of a year is natural, but honestly, any hard season or quiet moment will do.
Grab a piece of paper. List out the good and the bad of the season you’re reflecting on. Don’t skip the hard parts, name them. Then, for each difficult thing, look for the good that came out of it, even if it’s small, even if it took time to see. Let yourself recognize that you walked through something hard and you’re still here. That truth becomes something to hold onto the next time life gets heavy. You made it through before, and you likely learned something along the way.
If you want a daily version of this, I share more in my post on building a daily gratitude practice. Reflection looks back; daily gratitude keeps you grounded in the present. Together, they’re a powerful pair.
A Final Word of Hope
A lot of my own healing journey has been shaped by faith, and by good resources along the way. One that stuck with me is Max Lucado’s Anxious for Nothing — a book I’d wholeheartedly recommend if anxiety is something you wrestle with. He frames gratitude as a kind of antidote to worry, something that crowds anxiety out of the heart simply by making room for thankfulness. Or, as he puts it: focus more on what you do have and less on what you don’t.
That’s the heart of gratitude through reflection. Not pretending the hard things weren’t hard, but choosing to see the blessings that grew up right alongside them. When you look honestly at all you’ve come through, worry loses some of its grip and a grateful heart has room to grow.
You’ve made it through hard things. Take a moment to see them clearly, and let gratitude rise.
Drop one thing you’re grateful for in the comments. I’d love to reflect right alongside you.
NOTE: This post was originally published in December 2017. It has been reframed and significantly rewritten.
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